Can We Euthanize the Mums, Instead?

Dear Mummy Group*,

I’ve recently noticed my Cat/Dog/Bird/Fish/Turtle/Slow Loris/Whatever Pet I Own has been terrorizing my toddler. The Cat/Dog/Bird/Fish/Turtle/Slow Loris/Whatever Pet I Own has been scratching/biting/beaking/finning/bumping/staring at my toddler. Even though I’ve owned my toddler for three years, I do not want it in my family anymore, since it is causing so much stress to my Cat/Dog/Bird/Fish/Turtle/Slow Loris/Whatever Pet I Own, and making it cry. Any idea where I can send my toddler where they won’t just put it to sleep but will try to find it a new home?

TIA!

-said no mum ever

*sarcasm font warning ahead

For the third time in one month, I’ve read posts by other mums in my Mummy Group, asking where they can send their beloved, elderly pet to get rid of them because their toddler is terrorizing the pet and it is stressing everyone out. I actually throw up in my heart a bit every time I see this (and it is WAY too prevalent – not just in my mum’s group.) Don’t get me wrong, I think these pets shouldn’t EVER be terrorized by anyone, let alone a one and a half foot tall poopy-smelling human being. But for fuck’s sake. Re-homing your pet, traumatizing them further by removing them from the only environment they’ve known, plugging up our shelters, risking having that animal put to sleep – what the frak is wrong with you people?!

I have an idea. Now, granted, I’m not the smartest person on the planet, so I could be way out of line here, but hey! HOW ABOUT TEACHING YOUR TODDLER SOME FUCKING PET MANNERS?! Like, oh… not sitting on the cat, or pulling your dog’s tail, or shaking your bird’s cage, or thwacking your fish’s tank, or poking your turtle’s head, or laughing at your poor slow loris’s attempt to run a 5k. I mean, seriously. That pet that you bought/adopted/found abandoned on the side of the road, was once your ‘baby’, too, and now that you have a new, human baby, you’re just going to ditch it and lie to yourself by telling yourself it’ll find a good home or not be put to sleep? I have a better idea: let’s euthanize you, instead. Because you’re terrorizing your pets.