... but one thing I know is, I rarely seem to fit in.
The latest parenting trends seem to either be a throwback to Neanderthal ways (let's beat the children!) or extreme attachment parenting (never set the baby down! no one sets the baby down!) Oh, and then there's the parents of INDIGO CHILDREN... the next step in evolution! or as I like to call it, "how to justify my child being an utter shit". (Note: henceforth, extreme attachment parents and IndigoParents will be referred to as "DoucheCanoes".)
I'm none of these. I'm just a mum, muddling through, going with my instinct, using common sense, making mistakes, loving my offspring, and hoping they won't need too many years of therapy as a result of suffering with my genes and my parenting.
And because I'm out here in the bigbad universe all by myself, floundering around without a peer in the world, I figured I'd chronicle my attempts at A) making peace with that, B) trying not to make war with the insanity that is quite often my peers, and C) trying not to frak up this whole scary thing we call 'being a mum'. Care to join me?
And if that doesn't paint a clear picture of who I am, here's the facts and nothing but the facts - except when I exaggerate... or in places of sheer denial:
- I'm 40 years old.
- I've been married once.
- Okay, twice.
- Well, really, three times. But I'm on my forever man, now. No, seriously. I am. Shut up!
- Speaking of men, I'm bisexual. And not one of those, 'ooooh, doncha think it's sexy when I kiss a chick' bisexuals (although, obviously, *I* think it's sexy. But I don't do it to turn you on. Unless I'm kissing you.) I was born this way. Even when I was wee, I had the hots for little boys and little girls. Erp... but only back when I was a little girl myself. Now I just have the hots for adult boys and girls.
- Which brings me to the next point: I believe in monogamy. So, no, I won't be taking any vids of me kissing other girls. Uhm... how much cash are you willing to pay, anyway. Just out of curiosity... and stuff.
- I have two offspring from my first marriage - although technically, my son is a bastard. A fact I enjoy lording over him.
- Those two kids aren't technically kids anymore. My son is 21, and my daughter is 19, and both are quite, quite embarrassed by me: so my work there is (mostly) done.
- Speaking of offspring, if you look up the definition of insanity in the dictionary, you will learn that officially, starting over with a new wee one at age 40 is, in fact, insane.
- I have a four month old daughter, Daenerys Inarra, with my current (and last!) husband. (If this one fails, I'm sending myself to the nunnery.)
- Yes, I did name my baby after two iconic pop culture references (one of which I deliberately misspelled). You win the prize if you know from whence her name came. No using your GoogleFu, Luke.
- I'm a bit crazy.
- Okay, I'm a bit more than a bit crazy.
- But really, in a good way. So that's all right then.
^^^Prize Winnah!
ReplyDeleteBooby prize!
Delete