Your Toddler is a Muscle-Deficient Wuss

Every time I think I’ve seen someone hit the height of stupidity, someone else comes along and out-stupids them. I was going to write about Indigo Children – the next step in human evolution (backwards) – but then this question popped up in the mummy playgroup I belong to:

I’m going to start my toddler on a high protein diet. What foods should I feed him?

My jaw actually, physically popped open. High protein diet? For toddlers?! What the frak? So, I clicked on the discussion, thinking other mums would be all, ‘Why are you putting your toddler on a high protein diet?’ but instead, it is chock full of advice on recipes and snacks to feed your toddler.

I was still in a heightened state of disbelief. Last I heard, high protein diets were for body builders who wanted to bulk up and gain some seriously (unattractive, IMHO) muscle mass, and cats with poopy butts (my daughter [aka TheGirlWeenit] owns a Maine Coone who was suffering from… how shall we call it? Oh, hell: Shit-Arse. Come to find out, increasing their protein also firms poop up some so it won’t stick to fur.)

So, I used my GoogleFu, Luke. Come to find out, Toddler High Protein Diets are all the rage. Because years and years of a healthy, normal toddler diet isn’t healthy. Nooo… millennia of toddlers have been suffering from a lack of protein and are unable to keep up with their high protein’d peers in stumbling, climbing the couch, and face-planting. Oh, and we definitely want our toddlers to have strong hair. Because, according to one website, keratin is a protein and toddlers can’t make enough hair with a normal diet.

So, now I’m envisioning a race of toddlers with six foot hair and Schwarzeneggerish muscles. And praying Daenerys doesn’t grow up to marry one.